Paths

Sometimes I think about the path not taken. The seemingly minor decisions that cascade down into my life today. Dropping baseball for soccer back in middle school. Randomly deciding to look at schools in Minnesota. Going to the party where I met my best friends.

The contrapositive is easier to imagine for some of these than for others. If I’d loved my first college math courses I might be in finance right now, but I have no idea what my life would be like or who I would be if I had grown up in a different town. It’s possible I would’ve ended up at the same point, but I also might not even recognize that version of me.

Once I start looking for these inflection points, I see them everywhere— at least in hindsight. Only on rare occasions does it feel like I can sense them when they’re happening. The fear of making the wrong choice can turn such occasions into pressure cookers of stress though, so uncertainty seems healthy in comparison.

Being ignorant sometimes lets me remain truer to myself as well. I find it very easy to overthink decisions and talk myself into certain paths. But I tend to do a better job of expressing myself genuinely when I’m acting on instinct.

Adages like “listen to your gut” seem to get at a similar meaning. Asking what is left when you peel back all the pros and cons and logic. I find that peeling really difficult, slipping away when you grasp for it most. So in comparison ignorance is often bliss.